The entire weekend as a whole was not the problem. In fact, it was relaxing and fun at times.
Something happened that freaked us out good though, and I am still recovering from it. It could have been prevented but I let my guard down for. one. second.
We lost Olivia at the St Louis Mills outlet mall for what seemed like forever. Now, I am not talking about her losing under a rack in a store or to the next toy aisle over at Target. No. Like lost her in a mall food court the size of two football fields. You are probably saying to yourself, "how does one let that happen? Where you watching her?" Well, I don't know. And yes, I thought I was. In fact, I am one of those overly protective mothers out in public and it still happened to me. It happened so fast too.
We were cleaning up our table. I let her out of the stroller because she had been in it for a while before we sat down for lunch. Some good friends and their children were also with us. Olivia was asking me to go to the playground. More like begging. "Mommy, pa-weeeze. Pay-gownd." Ok, baby. Just a minute. I say. That is the last thing I remember happening until I noticed that she was gone.
Where is Olivia? We start frantically searching. Eventually, lots of people from the food court got involved. Some were just looking at us like we were crazy. Doing nothing. It was a very busy Saturday too. Lots of people around. I was screaming her name. Bob was too. It was dramatic. I think I left my body for a few minutes and saw myself spinning in circles screaming my baby's name, fearing that I would never see her again. I am serious. I thought she was gone forever. People were asking me what her hair color was and I was in such a state of panic that I had a hard time answering. I could barely breathe at the thought of what was happening.
Then it hit me. She asked for the playground just minutes before. Looking back, I think it took me a while to think to even check there because the playground is really not that close to the food court. At least not for a two-year old. I took off running. I am not a small person either. I am sure I looked crazy too. As soon as the playground was in my sight I saw her. Running into it without a care in the world. I finally reached her and scooped her up while sobbing. I didn't even notice my husband behind me.(Our other girls were back at the food court with our friends) He grabbed her from me and held her tight. So angry, yet so relieved. Our instinct was to be mad at her even though it was not her fault. I have never been so angry and so relieved all at the same time. I have also never felt so helpless, stupid, and frightened. Parenting fail.
We learned something Saturday. Well, I learned a lot of somethings. 1.) Don't trust your two-year old. I never dreamed that she would do that, ever. That kid got far. 2.) Don't assume that your spouse is picking up your slack. 3.) I would never be able to live if I lost my child. Especially that way.
The rest of the weekend was spent holding on to her, kissing her. I don't think she left my lap much that night. I even woke up this morning, two days later, in a panic thinking....where is she?!! Oh wait. It's ok. She is safe. Bob even told me that during his midnight shift on Saturday evening into Sunday morning that he had a few panic attacks and had to make himself remember that she was fine. Safe at home.
This is hard for me to share. Mainly because it makes me feel like a bad parent. But I feel like I should because it is never my intention to be inauthentic on this blog. I know it was an accident. I know things happen so fast. Things are chaotic, you think you are in control, then a kid dissapears. All I can say is...I don't know how people who actually lose their beloved children live through something like this. Those 3 full minutes or so where my mind went to that place thinking...Oh dear Lord, she is gone....was almost more than I could bear and my child was only gone for a short time! Thank you God. That is all I am still thinking.
One more thing. I am more patient. I think I am at least. It has only been a couple of days though. I am hoping that this is something that sticks. I pray for it all the time. Maybe this was God's way of answering that prayer. Just a thought.
And because I can not post without pictures...here are a few from the happier times we had this weekend....
The stinker who cause her parents to have a mini-stroke. This was on Friday, at her sister's dance class.
Some pics from Cabela's at the mall. My husband's holy place. The girls love it too. I love it because it is right next door to Archiver's. My holy place. :)
(Enjoying ice cream after the drama)
I found some treasures at Archiver's. Oh yes I did. Love this new line by American Crafts Studio. Tiny pre-made bunting. I die.
Mason jars. Serious love.
Other highlights include: Making banana bread muffins because my mom gave me old bananas and receiving my Bloom from Amy's shop. Love it Amy!!! Thank you!
I am a nerd and I know it! Isn't the bloom pin purr-ty?? I think I took 39 photos with my cell phone to get one where I looked half-way decent. This one was taken in the van before church on Sunday. Just keepin' it real. Oh gosh my face is wrinkly.
Ok, I am done. So glad that weekend is behind me.
Happy Monday friends! What's left of it. :)
